Redefining "Success"
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Feeling
Stressed? Let's Redefine Success!
by
Judy Wolf
We're all bombarded with messages about what it takes to be "successful" in a modern, westernized world. It's no secret that women have it especially tough -- you've heard of the "superwoman" image? And what about all the men squeezed by the increasing pressures of their own changing roles?
I've lived and traveled in many other countries and cultures, and I have to admit that there's something about being back in the States "accomplishing things" that gets addictive. Life becomes a whirlwind. Before long, I start thinking I'm helpless to change it. "If only I could stop the world for two seconds, I could prioritize!" Sound familiar?
Wait a moment. It seems to me that a basic question must be asked -- what are our deepest priorities? Does a traditional industrialized model of "buckle down, focus on one thing, work hard, be successful" really work for people interested in living a more holistic, balanced, loving (and, in some cases, nomadic) life?
And the answer comes back, "Well sure, of course, for some it does."
But what about the rest of us? How many of you secretly harbor creative and "crazy" dreams? Ideas that don't seem to register on the "success" scales of the competitive, day-to-day world around you? Goals that no one else seems to take seriously? Projects that might never get noticed or make oodles of money or fit into any of the categories we normally associate with "success"?
I know I do. Like dropping out of the rat race and traveling the world, for instance -- that was pretty high on my list, but I didn't know how many people were doing it (or even thought it possible) ...until I did it!
Or starting your own business. Did you know that there are 3.5 million home-based, women-run businesses in the United States? According to the National Association of Women Business Owners, 2.1 million of those are run by women with children (for more information, see "Moms at Home Now Rock Cradles and Business Strategies"). In fact, women business owners (employing more than 12 million Americans and contributing $3.6 trillion to the national economy) own more than 38% of all U.S. businesses.
How about easing poverty, educating children, or creating a rich and fulfilling family life? From what I see around me, these are considered hobbies, underpaid "social services," side interests or, worse, distractions from the corporate mission -- at least by many of the folks handing out promotions, salaries, and employee recognition awards.
And it's not just business-mindedness that creates this imbalance between our hearts and actions. I don't know about you, but I place high value on a growing number of things that don't seem to get much media attention. To make matters worse, I and most people I've met tend to put our best face forward when talking publicly about our personal lives. How often do we admit we're struggling, or baffled, or stagnating -- except perhaps to our closest friends? So between that and the media, if I didn't know better, I might think I was all alone in my beliefs and dreams and deepest priorities.
You know what? I believe it's time for a change, and I'm convinced that -- since it appears no one else is going to do it for us -- it has to start with you and me.
It can begin with a simple refusal to buy into clichéd models of "success." (Who thought those up, anyway?) If you thought you were alone, check this out: according to the authors of The Cultural Creatives: How 50 Million People Are Changing the World, more than 26% of the adult population in the United States hold values that aren't reflected in the mainstream media. These are folks who "are disenchanted with 'owning more stuff,' materialism, greed, me-firstism, status display, glaring social inequalities of race and class, society's failure to care adequately for elders, women, and children...." They "reject...intolerance and narrowness."
For female readers looking for a little nudge, did you know that according to the author of Marketing to Women, consumer spending accounts for two-thirds of the economy -- and women make 85 percent of all consumer buying decisions? Which means women wield some major clout when it comes to voicing our values.
Unfortunately, not many of us have recognized our own power yet. In the meantime, how many of us are sacrificing our dreams or values or private lives for "traditional" tokens of respect and appreciation -- for instance, the hope that we'll get recognized or promoted or paid more at work? How many of us binge or go on shopping sprees because... well, because we're not completely satisfied with our lives?
Here's an idea: what if you took all the money you spend each month on ever-changing fashion trends, chocolate (okay, maybe we should leave chocolate out of this), restaurant dinners, payments on the bigger apartment or the extra car, CDs, movies... and instead saved it up so you could take a year off to work on an organic farm in New Zealand? Or volunteer your professional skills at a women's shelter? Or spend time with your fast-growing children? Or simply travel the world, footloose and fancy-free, with nothing but a photo album and a lifetime of stories to show for it afterward?
If you're like me, you've started to suspect that what we really need is a more multi-dimensional way of judging ourselves and our accomplishments. And I'm not just talking about women. I know plenty of men out there who would benefit from a more humane and flexible scale for judging "success" in this crazy world.
So let's try taking all that energy we're spending on "keeping up" and instead put it toward getting creative about how we define success. Are you with me? It's an uprising! Maybe before we're done, we'll finally meet our own most heartfelt expectations.
Have you redefined success for yourself? Do you know of an adventurous or inspiring tale lived by someone else? Write and tell me about it!
Copyright (c) 2003 Judy Wolf
About
the Author:
Judy Wolf (www.judywolf.com)
is a world traveler, freelance writer, speaker, and whitewater kayak instructor.
She's taken numerous, extended solo journeys around the world, traveling
by foot, bus, jeep, camel, truck, boat, train, plane, elephant, and bicycle
to over 30 countries on five continents. She currently lives in upstate
New York with her husband and border collie, where she's working on a
book-length travel narrative about her most recent adventures…that is,
when she's not plunging off waterfalls or entertaining the dog.
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